Can i not drive my cunt home
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
