She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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