Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Are we still banned from the library?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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