I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
