He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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