what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
