I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
