Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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