i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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