last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
