I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
