I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
