i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think my nap took me to another dimension
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
