so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
