So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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