OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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