at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
