The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
