I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think your dad took our porno
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
