I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
