'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
