I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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