.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
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I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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