Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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