Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
