I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
