He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
