Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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