There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
