But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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