What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
