I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
