Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
