if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
