I want to have your abortion
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
