i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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