My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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