the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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