I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
