the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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