I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
