my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
