I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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