apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
