i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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