We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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