Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You smell like stripper and shame
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize