I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And then my night got REAL pukey
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
