your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he puts the penis in happiness.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
