there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I believe in your delicious
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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