gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
