totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
