I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
