Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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