I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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