Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
