There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
