Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
