I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
