This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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