the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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