Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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