Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
