flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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