Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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