I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
