is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
