I'm going to jail i love you
i think i have two assholes
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
