i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
