Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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