I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
