I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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