Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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