McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
