No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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