Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
