Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
