The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
